As though we could be that good together

Being rejected did not do any good to my mood. I felt my gorge rising, and felt that familiar weakness again.
Of course I knew that a relationship between Milán and me would not work on he long run. I might be a nervous wreck, but there is not the slightest problem with my intelligence, thank you very much!

He did not want to take me. Was that such a big problem? At worst, I would not be his plastic doll. He would not use me and keep rubbing my inner muscles until every single cell of my most intimate parts would scream with pain and beg for mercy.
Well, what would happen if he accpeted my offering? I would grow to be fond of him... cling to him...depend on him... and soon he would move on, laughing, without the slightest hesitation, and I would stay there, still sticking to him, exploithed, hurt, to be laughed at.
I knew that with my logical mind.

Then why did I send that letter?!