Preparing for a test

Actually I was more terrified of the blood test than the illness itself. Deep down I did not expect any problem, yet one could never know for sure. I was insistent to get the test, so that to feel safe.

Nevertheless, I hated the very thought of being stabbed by a needle. It is hard to describe the terrible fear that captured me anytime a nurse cornered me with a needle. Of course, getting injections was unpleasant, not a person visited doctors and suffered injections for mere fun... but my dread was more elusive, more intense. The physical pain alone did not give cause for that fear, even if I have always been oversensitive of any kind of pain.

However, this case I had to make my moves immediately. Thus far, a HIV test was not important for me, as I did not wish to have any kind of intimate relationship which could endanger anyone.
With a pang of regret, I thought of Feri. Fortunately I did not have any particular reason to feel guilty: I was proud to recall that I insisted on using condom. Despite of the fact that I did take contraceptives, too. This latter one is the most effective way to prevent unwanted pregnancy.
I could not trust any other methods.
I never forgot about it - as unfocused I was, I took the pills without one minute delay every evening. I can be formidably rational when it comes to contraception. On other occasions, I never take any medicines, not when I feel sick or have a throbbing headache. I don't drink any alcohol, I don't smoke, I don't even drink any coffee or tea (except for green tea) - so my otherwise healthy and well groomed system simply has to deal with a little artificial interference like contraception.
And even this way, while that wrecked relationship with the suspicious person held, there was an occasion when I became terrified of unwanted consequences of sexuality. I could not tell why but I was afraid to be in trouble, and I wanted to know for sure whether everything was all right.
I will never forget the cold fear that crept upon me and suffocated me whilst I was sitting on an old red plastic chair, in the shining white waiting hall of the gyneacologist. Another patient sat next to me, reading newspaper, and on the cover I could notice the photo of Prime Minister Gyurcsány Ferenc. The picture was taken before the leak of the Head of Government's infamous speech at Balatonőszöd, before the riots and demonstrations, so he was still wearing a wide and confident smile.
I stared at his photo.
"You may grin easily, Feri" I thought sourly. "You will never be pregnant under any circumstances..."

As for other feared consequences, I never got any HIV test.
Initially I thought, rather cynically, what could doctors do anyway? (Which was not true - nowadays, there exist effective medicines which can help a great deal to decrease symptoms.)
However, if I had problems with my blood sugar indeed, which was not completely unlikely, then I needed treatment the sooner the better.
Yet first of all, I had to be tested for HIV. I simply could not let myself poke by innocent needles (my godmother - my father's sister, the mother of Mónika and Piroska - had an own home blood glucose test, and she intended to use it on me, which I naturally refused) until the afore-mentioned question was not answered properly.
So I called the gyneacologist to arrange an appointment.